The Cost of Truth and Lies
by doctorwhogirl11
Summary: "Whether or not you believe me Shepard, the truth has a cost, just like lies do." Some things are too cruel to speak of. This is the story of Ridley Winter, spanning ME1. This story might get a little... too much (as in torture, death, etc.), so if you're not okay with that, just don't click. My first fanfic so be nice. Please. Mostly Shepard and Ridley POV.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, this is my first fanfic, so go easy on me. Plus, I don't have a beta, so **really **go easy on me. This story is T right now, but I'll upgrade to M later. It'll probably span all of the first Mass Effect game. Thanks!

doctorwhogirl11

**Shepard POV**

He's giving me the Normandy. The _Normandy_. Anderson keeps talking, and I know I should listen, but the _Normandy. _I suddenly felt guilty for tuning him out and try to focus on what he's been saying.

Feros and Noveria… geth activity, good place to start... go to Therum, Liara T'Soni, the Matriarch's daughter…

"…I know you've been putting a team together yourself, but there's someone I think would be interested." Anderson continued, sparking my interest.

"Who?"

"Ridley Winter,"

Garrus nearly did a double take at the name.

"The Ridley Winter? You can't be serious. Why would she join us?"

"She has some beef with Saren. You mention the name, it'll catch her attention."

"I don't get it. Who is Ridley Winter?" I honestly wasn't following.

"One of the greatest assassins in the galaxy and the strangest one. She only kills for governments, but she's well worth it. She always finishes a job." Garrus replied with a mix of admiration and fear in his voice.

"Where would she be Anderson? What planet?"

"She was seen on the Citadel an hour ago, actually. Finishing up a job. She'll probably be at the Presidium. If not, go to the wards."

"How will we know her?"

"Oh, you'll know. Trust me."

"Thanks, Anderson. For everything."

"You're welcome. Give Saren a good kicking for me, would you?"

"Yes, sir."

We said our goodbyes and headed straight for the elevator. 

When the elevator opened to the Presidium, I honestly didn't know what to expect.

"When he says we'll 'know her when we see her' what does that mean?" Tali asked, daunted.

"I guess we'll know her when we see her." I replied, making my way through the Embassies.

All of the sudden, There was a commotion above us, with gunfire and banging. I drew my pistol, not sure what to expect.

A salarian dropped down, running away from someone. Seconds later, we saw that someone. A human woman dropped down, pistol drawn, her back to us. The salarian fired a few shots in her direction, but she dodged them and took cover behind a Citadel Embassies sign.

Garrus aimed his sniper rifle, but I signaled for them to put their guns away. She could handle this.

"I'm not going back!" The salarian manically spoke, "I won't!"

"Your government says otherwise, Alaam. You killed ten people. You don't honestly think they'd let you go?" The woman asked, calmly and coolly.

"I outsmarted them so far! I'll always outsmart them! No one can keep up with my intellect!"

"I'm standing here aren't I? You may be STG, but you're not a genius."

"You'll be disposed of easily."

The woman lowered her pistol and came out of cover. _What the hell is she doing? _Is all I could think.

"Is she insane?!" Tali cried.

"No. Ridley always has a plan. You'll see." Garrus replied, confident. I wasn't so sure. Assassins are good, sure, but her plan seemed to have taken a turn for the insane.

"I don't wanna fight, Alaam. It took me three days to track you down," She spoke with a strange confidence and holstered her pistol, "I'll make you a deal. Your government told me dead or alive, they just want you back. How about we make it alive? Sure beats a bullet in the brain." Her logic was solid and resounding.

But the salarian held his ground.

"No! I go back, they'll do things to me worse than death! NO!" It was getting more and more obvious this guy was beyond unstable, he was a menace.

"If I take you back and put in a good word, tell them to give you imprisonment instead, would that do it? I don't want to kill you, Alaam. I have a lot of respect for STG operatives. Even more so than Spectres." So. She doesn't like Spectres. That's not a good sign for me or Saren.

"NO! Imprisonment?! Are you kidding me? No way!" The salarian had had enough, I could tell. He fired his pistol right at the woman's head.

I thought for sure she was dead, but she turned so she was right shoulder facing the salarian, pistol drawn. The shot impacted with the Citadel Embassies sign and the woman fired her pistol right at the salarian's head.

He fell to the ground, dead. The woman made a sound like a sigh.

Suddenly, a group of salarians materialized out of nowhere.

"Thank you Ms. Winter," The leader said to the woman as his team picked up the dead salarian. _Alaam, _I thought, _his name was Alaam, _"We came as fast we could."

They both accessed their omni-tools; "Here is your payment, as was agreed. The STG thanks you for your cooperation and help." And with that, he scurried off to join his friends.

The woman closed her omni-tool and turned away from us, obviously deep in thought.

I took my chance and walked toward her. _What should I say? Hey, my name's Commander Shepard and I want you to help take down the geth, Saren, and the Reapers, whom the Council don't even think exist?_

No, that won't do. I'll just walk up to her and figure it out from there.

As I approached her, I took note of her features. Even from her backside, it was obvious she was beautiful. She had long black hair tied up in a ponytail, and she had alabaster skin. She was slim and agile. She wore simple black armor and carried a sniper and assault rifles, submachine gun, pistol, and a shotgun. It was obvious this woman meant business.

"Ridley Winter?" I went with the simple approach.

"Who wants to know?" I took note of her voice; a slight British accent, but also very American.

"Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy."

She didn't turn around. "I know of you."

"What do you mean?"

"Because of Mindoir and Akuze, you have earned a reputation as a survivor. I'm also a very informed person. Your appointment as the first human Spectre may have been a rushed affair, but it's already reaching the ears of everyone in the galaxy. Also, you're taking on Saren." She turned her head to the side, "I took a… personal interest."

She turned around fully, revealing the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen. They were luminous, but they carried a weight to them, some hidden feeling I couldn't put my finger on.

"But I'm more interested in what the Alliance wants with me. The don't commission contracts from me, they have their own people to do that. So what do they want?"

"Anderson mentioned you. He said if you heard the name Saren, you'd want to join."

"He was right. There's been bad blood between Saren and me. I never liked him, even before he went evil."

"So you'll join our campaign against him and the geth?" I was hoping she'd say yes. Her skills were incredible.

"And the Reapers?" I knew it was coming, but I didn't sense any sarcasm.

"Yes, the Reapers too. Do you think they're a myth, too?"

"Actually, I believe you. Someone has to have a lot of time on their hands to come up with a lie like that." _She believes me? Awesome!_

She spoke again. "So I'd be serving under you?"

Oh, no. She's an assassin. This is going to be a problem. "Yes. Do you have a problem with that?"

"On the contrary. I like you, Shepard. You've been through some tough stuff. I'll serve under you and take the mission gratis, but one condition."

"Anything."

She took a step closer. "I have morals. Some people think I don't just because I kill for a living, but I do. If you ask me to go against them in any way, I'll be able to leave right away. Agreed?" She held out her hand.

After I had collected my thoughts, I shook her hand. "Agreed."

She looked satisfied. "Okay then. Where's your ship?"

I smirked. This mission just got more interesting, if that was possible.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! I know only a few people have read this, but I have a follow! Yay! Anyway, I'll try and post every few days, but sometimes I get distracted by another topic and might write about it. So, I apologize in advance. Thanks!

**Ridley POV**

Log Entry 66, 2183:

The Alliance knows how to make ships. I always knew the turians could, how else would they have the greatest military in the galaxy? But the Alliance? Never saw it coming. I have to say, this is a colorful crew, with a turian, quarian, and krogan in addition to a normal Alliance crew.

Tali's nice, tough, smart, I'd even go so far as spunky, but still a kid on her pilgrimage. She's figuring out who she is. The two days I've been on this ship, I've talked to her five times about everything, spanning omni-tools to practical applications of biotics in engineering. It was fascinating. Seriously. Quarians are brilliant as a race.

I also spent a lot of time with the turian, Garrus. He thinks the ends justifies the means. Though I disagree, he's an exemplary sharpshooter. And he doesn't like the way C-Sec operates. We agree on a lot of things, a lot of issues, but he can't get over his mentality that getting things done fast is better than getting things done right. He's still a great guy to have a drink with.

Wrex doesn't say much, but I can tell from his scars and his demeanor he was a leader on Tuchanka. He and I have a lot of things in common; we've both killed, we both don't like to talk about our pasts, and we both have scars. He's also a krogan. For some reason krogans have always liked me.

The pilot, Joker, is a riot. Our first conversation went from him asking who I'd killed to him asking me for a bottle of my 'special' whiskey from Meridia 9. That stuff will make you fall right over. I won't give it to him. He's one of those 'big talk, small action' guys.

Kaidan Alenko. A nice guy. A little folksy for my taste, but tells the best stories. He's Canadian, too. He's also the best judge of character. I'm not sure he knows what to make of me. He thinks he should be scared, but he also acknowledges I'm being friendly to the rest of the crew and have even gotten Joker to like me (A magnificent feat, by the way).

Then there's Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. There's something about her I undeniably respect. Her family is condemned in the Alliance because of Shanxi, but herself and her family have still stayed a part of it, resolutely and unfalteringly. There's something both admirable and stupid about that. They should be given a medal. But I like Ashley, regardless of her family. I really do. She's a true solider. Someone with a sense of honor you don't find anymore. Someone you can rely on.

And we come to Commander Shepard. He's an enigma. He's a soldier first, a leader secondly, and a friend thirdly. Men, soldiers, _people, _like Shepard don't exist anymore. I respect him. He's also very funny. Didn't expect that. But there's something about him… I don't know, I just don't get.

I was roused from my logging by a voice.

"Ridley?" It asked tentatively.

"Yeah, Shepard?"

"What happened to the procurement officer?"

"I didn't kill him or anything, if that's what you're asking. I just stole his desk." I stated, smug.

Shepard crossed his arms, looking extremely disapproving, "Where is he?"

"On the Citadel." Shepard looked like he was ready to strangle me.

"You just left him there?"

"No, I deferred him to Alliance Command. Honestly, I'm disappointed in your opinion of me. I didn't just leave him to the wolves."

"On who's authority did you boot him off the ship?"

"Yours." He looked like he was about to explode. It was quite funny. I shouldn't have been entertained by this conversation, but I _so _was.

"Are you serious?"

"Look, when you compare me, a professional assassin with contacts like the Shadow Broker, Asari councilor, turian government, STG, etc. etc., to an Alliance procurement officer, who do you think matches up better?"

"You, obviously." He replied, begrudgingly.

"Now you see my point. Besides, the guy reeked of rookie-hood. You don't want someone like that on a prototype warship."

"Is rookie-hood even a thing?"

"It is in my book."

"Okay…" He looked unsure of what to say next.

"What's it like, being a professional assassin?" He abruptly asked.

I sighed, not sure how to explain. "It's not what you'd think."

"Then what is it?" He wasn't going to go away, is he?

I tried to reason an answer, "People think that if a person kills for long enough, they grow numb to it. I've been doing this for thirteen years and I'm still not numb. I don't think I ever will be. Mercenaries are the ones forget who they kill. Assassins don't."

"Mercenaries and assassins are different?"

I scoffed, "Of course we're different. That's like asking 'what's the difference between an elcor and a batarian?' We're not the same at all. Mercenaries are usually the same, more brutes than anything else."

"Assassins aren't brutes, I know that. But you both kill for living-"

"Mercenaries do more than kill Shepard. They kidnap, smuggle, and enslave. Mercenaries are usually all of the same mold. Every assassin is different. We each have our own style, our own way of dealing with what we do. But you will never find a guiltless assassin." He was seriously getting on my nerves. I couldn't even stand to look at him anymore. I turned around to stare at my commandeered desk. _You asked for this, _I told myself, _you knew he had a rock hard moral center. _

"This is something you feel deeply about?" He asked after a tense few minutes of silence.

"Yes."

"Can I ask why?"

I whipped around, "Because I don't kill because I like it Shepard, I kill because it's what I'm best at. That's the difference."

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe the only thing you're good at is killing!" He challenged, pushing me to my breaking point.

"Maybe so, but I've been in this business far too long to back out and you know that. So just accept there's a difference between assassins and mercenaries and we can call this conversation a success." I retorted back, aggravated beyond measure. It was amazing that this man that I had only known for two days had already challenged my beliefs.

"You know, you're right. Assassins are different and do have their own style, because I can't imagine anyone in the universe _ever _being like you. You're in a league of you own."

He walked away after that, leaving me with the question of whether his remark was meant as a compliment or an insult.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry guys, I know I've been dragging my heels on this, but I'm expecting a pop quiz any day now in English and I want to be prepared. Please review. I honestly wanna know what you guys think. Also, thanks for all the support. Okay, here's chapter three!

**Shepard POV**

I had never met someone as frustrating as Ridley Winter. She's self-righteous, but not self-serving. She teases me every time I talk to her, and then she had the nerve to throw one of my crew off this ship! Even if she was right about her being the better choice and has one of the most impressive records I've ever seen, she was still so far out of line I couldn't even see her. But she is all of those things, so I need her. If only she wasn't so stubborn! I swear-

"Commander?" Joker piped in, his voice filling my once quiet quarters.

I ran my hands down my face, collecting myself. I'd figure out what to do about Ridley later.

"Yeah?"

"We're approaching Therum."

"I'll be right there." Here we go.

Squad selection wasn't nearly as tricky as I thought it would be. I took Garrus, an infiltrator, and Ridley, a vanguard like myself. It's strange. Her file said "Vanguard class but adaptable to any situation." What does that even mean? I decided to go with it until I picked up on what they meant by "adaptable".

After a long and seemingly unending ride in the Mako, we climbed out on to the terrain.

"So that's Alliance class transport?" Ridley asked, stretching her neck, "Even the krogan have better modes of transportation and Tuchanka is the embodiment of a shithole."

"You're right, there are some crappy shock-absorbers in there." Garrus replied, doing what I guessed was the turian equivalent of a grimace.

"We can discuss Alliance transport later. Right now, let's get a move on." There were too many geth guarding this facility for us to get careless.

As we made our way to the facility's entrance, I heard the familiar guttural sound of a geth above. _What the hell is that?! _Was all I could muster in my thoughts when I saw the stalker. I aimed at it, but it moved to quickly. Geth started dropping in, and the Armature hit the ground with a _boom. _

"Take cover!" I yelled, and my squad scattered around me. Garrus lined up his sniper shots on the surrounding geth, I aimed for the stalkers and the Armature, Ridley joining me.

Between the three of us, we knocked out most of the surrounding geth, but the Armature wasn't going down without a fight. Ridley warped the last geth, and pulled her shotgun, charging on the Armature. At first, I had no idea what she was doing, but then I realized, _she's drawing the Armature's fire! _

"Garrus! Cover me!" I yelled, heading to flank the damn thing. With my and Ridley's combined biotics, we successfully took down the Armature.

"Good work." I said, hoping to show my approval.

"It was?" Garrus said at the same as Ridley pushed past, saying, "Yep." _Ladies and gentlemen, galactic diversity, _I thought, smirking to myself.

We opened the entrance to a dank tunnel going down inside.

"Inviting," Ridley remarked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

I replied, "It's an archeological dig. What did you expect?"

"A red carpet?"

"Sure." I replied, equally sarcastic. We went inside.

The trip down was mostly uneventful except for a few geth and the elevator and ramp being partially destroyed. Huh. I consider that uneventful. When we arrived at the bottom, what we saw was not what I expected. An asari, in a force field. This day just keeps getting better.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" She frantically asked, obviously frazzled.

"Me. Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy." I replied, moving closer.

"Thank goodness you're here. I thought the geth were going to kill me for sure!"

"It's okay now. Are you Liara T'Soni?"

"Yes I am."

"We've been looking for you. We'll get you out of here. If you don't mind me asking, could you disable the force field? We have to get a move on." I replied.

"I'm afraid I can't. This force field is Prothean. I thought I knew how to control it, but I must have hit something I shouldn't have, and now I'm… stuck." She said, embarrassed.

"We'll get you out of there. Any ideas how?"

"If you can find a way to get back here, the force field doesn't cover the back."

"Right."

"Wait, Commander," Garrus called out, "are we sure we can trust her? She is Benezia's daughter." He rose a good point.

"No! I am _not _my mother. Whatever it is she did is not my fault!" Liara yelled back, defensive. I was still unsure. What if she was faking?

"You mean you don't know anything?" I asked.

"Nothing." She replied.

Ridley stepped forward, seemingly examining Liara. "You can trust her." She confidently said.

I examined my options, deciding that mistrusting Ridley's judgment was unwise and I also shouldn't judge Liara on her mother's sins.

"Come on, let's get you out of there." Liara visibly relaxed, and Ridley wore a small smile.

After a little poking and prodding below, we found the mining laser. "Oh, yes!" Ridley said, "This could work. Garrus?"

"Big lasers. I take back all of my protesting coming down here. This thing is well worth it."

We used the laser to carve an entrance, revealing an elevator. We rode it up to Liara silently.

As soon as we arrived, Liara spoke: "How did you get in here? I didn't think there was any way past!"

"We used a mining laser." I replied.

"Wait… what?"

"Stranger things have happened," Ridley said, smirking.

I released Liara from the trap she had triggered. "Thank you so much!" She exclaimed, "I thought I'd never get out of there!"

"Any idea how we get out?" Garrus asked.

"There is an elevator back at the center of the tower. Or I think it's an elevator."

"Let's get a move on."

When we got to the elevator, Liara spoke, "I still can't believe all this. What do the geth want with me? Does it have something to do with my mother?"

"You're a Prothean expert, right? Saren probably wants you to help him find the Conduit." Garrus replied, telling a half-truth.

"The Conduit? I don't even know what-"

All of the sudden, the ground started to shake.

"What was that?" Ridley asked.

"These ruins are unstable. The mining laser must have triggered something. We have to hurry!"

I contacted the Normandy, "Joker! Lock on to my position and get here! ASAP! The ruins are caving in!"

"Yes, sir. On our way, ETA eight minutes!" Joker replied.

"He better make it here in time." Ridley said. I hoped so too.

The elevator started moving, and we were going up.

Final Report, Mission: Therum

After diplomatic relations with the krogan battlemaster and geth were unsuccessful, the battlemaster commenced a battle. In a few minutes, we overtook them with Dr. T'Soni's assistance. While we had been fighting, the condition in the area had worsened. The seismic event was reaching it's peak and the ruins were caving in at a rapid rate. We all (Dr. T'Soni included) made it out of the ruins without being harmed. The Normandy picked us up and remaining geth were trapped in the ruins.

-Report End-


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys! I love the support! I promise I'll try to pick up the pace. I had strep throat, so I felt extremely terrible and then my computer broke… ughh it was a nightmare. But guys, reviews are lovely! I need all the help I can get. So without further ado, here's Chapter 4!

**Ridley POV**

_I don't understand, I don't understand…_

_The room is dark, the only light coming from a window on the side. All I hear are cruel voices speaking, 'she's not ready', 'too young', 'never attempted at this age', 'she won't survive'. What do you mean, 'I won't survive'? What am I supposed to survive?_

_Suddenly, a voice fills the room through a speaker, "Termination test 31, subject is of nine years, the feral is of twelve."_

_Feral? What's a feral? Am I the subject? I don't understand… Please, tell me what's happening!_

_A door creaks open on the other side of the room, but does not bring light in it's wake. I hear footsteps walking towards me, but I don't see the source. _

"_The test has begun," the voice finishes, almost forlornly, sorrowful. What test! This isn't like the others._

_A figure walks into what little light is in the room. When I see who it is, I am confused. Aghast._

"_Toby?" I say, puzzled as to why my friend looks so… primal. _

_His eyes are filled with a look I've never seen before. It's filled with… instinct. Filled with hatred… for me, for everything. _

"_Toby, what's wrong?" I ask, frightened. He's acting like an animal. The only reply to my question is a hiss. I feel sick. _

_Toby hurtles toward me, arms outstretched, intent to kill in his eyes, and a hiss sliding out of his mouth._

_What? Toby, what are you doing? You're my friend. Why are you looking at me like that? What has happened? My thoughts swirl, out of order._

_I find myself pinned against the wall, Toby's hands at my throat. The rest of the world falls away, and all I think is… survive. My hands encircle his neck and my thoughts limit to one thought, different from survive. I feel like a child, I feel myself falling away, I can only focus on one thing, one thought:_

_I don't understand… I don't understand…_

_And then I twist._

I awake with a start. Another nightmare. They seem to be getting worse. My body is covered in sweat, and my heart still pounds. No matter what I do, I can't forget what happened. I get out of bed and move as quietly as I can to my footlocker without waking up anyone else in the crew quarters.

I grab my special whiskey and leave the room, too pumped full of adrenaline to even think of going back to sleep. Nightmares do that.

The mess hall seems empty enough when I come out, but a voice startles me when I pass the table.

"Can't sleep?" the voice asks, more serious than teasing.

I turn and see Liara's contemplative face.

"Yeah," I say, setting the bottle down on the table and give her a look, "You too?"

"Mmm," she says, as she pulls the bottle to her to examine it, "I take it you took the label off of this bottle for a reason?" she continues as I go to fetch two glasses.

"Not for illegal reasons, I assure you. I just find that drinking games are so much more fun when your opponent doesn't know what they're drinking," I reply with a smirk, handing her a glass.

"Well, you've lucked out on me. I'm not very good at drinking games," she says, with a hint of amusement.

"No worries, I'm not in the mood anyway," I say, pouring us our drinks.

"Is the reason for that what made you be awake at this hour?"

I look into my glass, as if searching for the answer to her question in the fiery whiskey's depths, "Maybe."

"Is that Ridley code for yes?

"'Ridley code'? Seriously Liara?"

"Just trying to have a bit of fun. But really, why are you awake?"

"I'll tell you if you tell me."

She sits in silence for a few moments, as if planning her words with expert precision.

"I'm just trying to get used to the ship, I guess. And the sleeper pods. By the way, why don't you use them? The sleeper pods."

"I don't like them. Too isolating. I prefer a bed. It's probably a force of habit as well." We sip the whiskey,contemplative and a silence ensues.

"What is it that woke you up?" she asks, startling me and causing me to look off in the distance.

"Something I tried to forget. Something that I don't think I ever can forget."

She nodded, trying to understand. "I think I know how you feel. I've seen some terrible things, but nothing really horrific. It's different for you though, as an assassin you must have been in more than a few unfavorable places.

I smirked. If she only knew. I sipped my whiskey, letting the sultry taste overwhelm me. I suddenly felt the need to raise my glass to something, anything, if only to banish the memory of my nightmare. As I lifted my glass, so did she. "To terrible things, and conquering them." I said in a condemning voice. She nodded her head, and we drained our glasses.


	5. Chapter 5

Sooo… I thought I should hurry up and get another chapter out since you waited so patiently for the other one. I know it's been a week, but I've had a lot of stuff going on. Thanks so much for caring and reading! Remember, reviews make me go way fatser! This chapter will expand on Shep and Ridley's relationship, and I think you'll find their dynamic interesting. Presenting… Chapter 5!

**Shepard POV**

This was strange. When we landed on Feros at Zhu's Hope, I wasn't sure what we would find. But it definitely wasn't what we did find. Those people were being hit by the geth, and _hard. _Despite their assurances, there was something up with that place. I'd also been getting up on a weird vibe around the colony. Like they were covering something up.

Even Wrex was picking up on it. And Ridley, well, she just had that look on her face. The same look she gets when she's judging a person, calculating, but not cold.

Ridley is the most interesting person I've ever met. She gives off the façade of trust and comfortableness, but the minute you ask her a truly probing question, she deflects it, instead probing you with questions.

And then there are her scars, some jagged, some clean-cut, some small, some large. I've only seen a few of them, but they are impressive, and painful-looking. There are so many mysteries about our resident professional killer that I spend most of my time musing on where she could've trained or where she came from. She doesn't seem to be ex-Alliance, and she said once she was a colony kid, like me, but besides that, her life story is blank to me.

But there's something about her. Sure, she's mysterious and sexy, but it's more than that. She has this way about her, a kind of grace. She gets along with damn near everybody on the ship, even Wrex. They seem to have found some kind of common ground with each other. Probably has something to do with their shady pasts or a mutual love of destroying things.

As we talked to the colonists tediously, I found my eyes drifting to her subconsciously. Like she was pulling me to her. It had been like that the entire mission.

Clearing the tower was relatively easy, but I was still racking my brain as to why the geth were here. The colonists said they didn't find anything of value, but this is an ExoGeni colony. They are notorious for their antics and don't invest in anything without foreseeable profit.

My mind started to wander as we talk to Davin Reynolds, but I tried to focus. After I apparently offend him about something or other, he launches into a lecture about his colony and how unfair all of this is, and after that my mind is lost to me, roaming the space around me, muddled and unfocused.

It came to rest as it had the entire day, on Ridley's face. But that time, I was too bored to tear my eyes away and pay any attention to what that self-righteous colonist had to say. She, however, seemed to be paying attention to the man, obviously absorbing the information and making an opinion on him, like she does with everyone she meets.

My eyes began to move of their own accord, dragging along my mind with them. They studied her hair, out of its usual ponytail for this mission, instead falling down to its actual length, just past her shoulders. I felt myself become mesmerized by her appearance.

My eyes veered to her nose, elegant and small, which led me to her lips. At this point, I had no control over my thoughts or anything else for that matter, and I wondered what it would be like to kiss those lips.

My brain and my eyes didn't seem to be listening to me when I briefly snapped out of my reverie to realize what I had just thought. But by that time, my mind was enraptured by the woman standing next to me. It admired her jaw, her lithe figure. It was hard to imagine how powerful and lightning fast that body was just by looking at it.

My eyes came back up to look into her own eyes, and I felt myself become even more entranced. They were a blue, a deep blue, like the bottom of the ocean. They defined her entire face and added to her beauty. While I was beguiled by the enormity of her appearance, the man stopped talking- _what was his name? Reynolds? _– and I tore my eyes from Ridley's face and thanked the man for his time.

As we walked away, I snuck a glance at Ridley to see if she had noticed my previous intense gaze, but she had her usual anticipating and searching face on. I knew right then and there I wouldn't be able to focus, no matter what this mission threw at us.

…

That turned out to be a lie.

"On your left!" Ridley shouted at me, and I fired anti-Thorian gas at the incoming colonists.

The way we got to this point is long and complicated, and would probably take at least an hour to explain, so I'll make it short and sweet.

While we were taking the mako up to the ExoGeni facility, we ran into a group of people even _more _paranoid than the ones we met at the original colony. We talked to them for a little while, but the only thing we could get from them was that there was something secretive about this colony, and they were all hiding it.

When we got to the facility, we met a few geth (nothing we couldn't handle) and the daughter of a doctor we met at the makeshift encampment. She was the one who finally tell us what was going on. This Thorian thing that we're fighting now is a plant with telepathic powers. A little far-fetched, I know.

Once we figured that out, we made our way back to the colony (not before having an armed confrontation with those ExoGeni scientists. Turned out a few of them went insane) and en route we met a few of the Thorian's cronies, creepers. They looked alarmingly like husks.

We've come to the point where myself, Ridley, and Wrex are armed with anti-Thorian gas grenades and tried as hard as possible not to shoot the colonists (who had gone kinda insane, if you didn't get that already).

As soon as the last colonist fainted due to the gas, I ran to the controls, and used them to lift the freighter, exposing a staircase leading down.

Not long after, Fai Dan showed up with a pistol, but strangely enough, he looked more in control than the other colonists. I checked my grenade number and saw that I'd used them all. _Shit. _

Fai chose that precise moment to speak, and my head jerked up, "I was supposed to protect them…" he managed to get out, and it seemed as if he was on the verge of tears. He struggled with himself, an internal war obviously occurring.

"I couldn't protect… ExoGeni… I didn't know until it was too late. It's too strong, we never stood a chance…" He looked as if he was in pain, and winced every so often.

"The Thorian? Is that what you're talking about?" I asked, grappling for an answer as to where the plant was.

He grunts, his words coming in a rush, "Yes… it controls us, it has a hold over us. We do whatever it says. Whatever it says…" As he trailed off, his eyes lowered to the pistol, slowly lifting it inch by inch to my face. Ridley stood nearby, her gun trained on Dan with deadly precision.

"You don't have to do this! Fight it, you know you can!" I yelled at him, desperate not to take the measures Ridley was expecting.

"I can't…" he blinked, trying to fight the Thorian, but losing horribly.

"We can help, we can kill it, make it let you and the rest of the colonists go! Just trust me, Dan." I yelled at him, taking steps forward.

"It's… it's too strong! I can't fight it anymore! I failed to protect them… I failed…" he looked to be in a rage, his internal battle reaching its climax.

"Dan, please-" But I was cut off by his pistol being raised.

"No! I will not be a pawn! I will not disgrace Zhu's Hope any longer! I will not kill our only hope of returning to normal!" Before I could say anything, he lifted his pistol and took the shot, but it wasn't at me or my squad. He had shot himself.

I turned to Ridley, "Did you… see that coming?"

"Not really," she said with a shocked face. She quickly strode over to the staircase leading eerily downwards, "Who wants to go down first?"

"I don't know, maybe you should go first." Wrex replied, smirking in his krogan way. The one where he could snap your neck in the next second, or buy you a round of alcohol.

"I vote we just get on with it," I said, eager to just get off of Feros and back on my ship.

"Agreed." Ridley stated with a smirk. _Her lips… Snap out of it, man! You have to go kill a hostile plant. You can't daydream about her, no matter how much you want to! _As my thoughts argued with themselves, we took our steps into the musty underground.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm so sorry this took so long! It was midterms and then spring break so I had no time. So, I know the last chapter was a little discombobulated, but that's what happens when you make last revisions at midnight on a Tuesday. I think that this one will be better (I hope). Also guys, tell me what you think of Ridley, her relationship with Shepard, or my writing, I want to know what's going on in those heads of yours. Chapter 6, peeps!

**Ridley POV**

"Why weren't you paying attention?!" Shepard snapped at me, obviously pissed.

"Look Shepard, I get you're angry, but what happened isn't because I wasn't paying attention, it's because I was a little busy and so were you and Wrex!" I yelled back, my anger spiking.

"That asari clone got right up behind you, and you say you weren't paying attention?" he asked, his words chock full of sarcasm.

"I was being attacked by those Thorian creepers, I was looking around for a surprise attack." I tried to explain, but Shepard looked like he was going to explode.

"So that clone was able to just get right behind you?"

"Yes, that is what I'm saying."

"Fine, I believe you," Shepard said, "But I don't like it. You nearly fell."

My eyes went soft, "But I didn't. Shepard, I'm fine. That's all that matters."

He stepped closer to me, his eyes full of emotion. "But it was on my watch." he stomped away, his shoulders tense.

As I watched, Ashley walked up behind me.

"I take it things didn't go well?" she said with an eyebrow raised.

"No, it didn't." I said, and then I began to take my armor off again.

"What happened?"

"The thorian. It had an asari prisoner and it decided to make clones of her. I was a little… preoccupied, so one of them was able to get up behind me and push me off the ledge."

"The ledge? Shouldn't you be dead?" she asked, puzzled.

"I managed to grab the ledge at the last second, and flip myself up. Shepard wasn't happy though." I said, stripping the last of my armor.

"I'll say. He looked like he was ready to kill you himself." she said with a laugh.

"He probably was." I sighed, knowing that our relationship had taken a fatal blow.

Ashley returned to her workstation, snickering. As I looked around, I set eyes on Garrus and decided that he, more than anyone else, would understand.

"Hey Garrus."

"Hey Ridley. That was a nice argument over there."

"Yeah, I know."

"I heard what you told Ash."

"Are you on Shepard's side or mine."

"Officially, I'm not on anyone's side," he began to move a little closer, and lowered his voice, "But unofficially, I agree with you. You can handle yourself, Ridley."

"Thanks for seeing things my way." she said with a small smile.

"Don't think I'm on your side though. Shepard had a good reason to be angry." Garrus says.

"Like what?" I ask, fuming.

"You have gotten yourself killed." he said in a grave tone. "You're nimble Ridley, but that was a ledge. He's your commanding officer, and he's responsible for you."

"I know." I said, feeling like Garrus had made a good argument.

"Besides, don't beat yourself up about this Ridley. You and Shepard will be back to disagreeing about everything in no time."

I offered a small smile, and Garrus walked over to the Mako, successfully ending the conversation. As I stood in contemplation for a few more moments, I realized that I wasn't even bothered by the fact that Shepard was my commanding officer. When I had first come aboard the Normandy, that fact had driven me up the wall. For fourteen years, I've been on my own. _Fourteen._ To go from that to having a commander and following orders… It was not a seamless transition.

But now… It was almost comfortable, natural. And Shepard was not normal Alliance material. He understood that you need to bend the rules sometimes, but he also kept to his own strict moral code and principles. Being on his team was one of the most honorable things I'd ever done. And I realized, by some twist of fate, Shepard had become my friend.


	7. Chapter 7

Dudes! Now the usual: please review… hope you like it… please review… please review. Seriously, constructive criticism, advice, comments, questions, people! Anything is welcome. Also, there have been questions about whether Ridley is SI or not. Numerous questions, actually. But no, she is not. Ridley and I couldn't be more different. I'm more like Tali, if anyone. Though not as badass. Anyways, enjoy Chapter 7!

**Ridley POV**

Downtime between missions were always a bore. You either worked on whatever or talked with the crew. I usually opted for talking with the crew. While I had been described as reclusive, the Normandy had a diverse crew that came from all over the galaxy and every one of them had a story to tell, so it wasn't a chore to converse with them.2

"Hey Wrex." I say as I pass him by on my way to the elevator.

"Hey Ridley" he almost grumbles, his frown unchanged.

As I enter the elevator I am greeted with the same slow movement as ever. _I've seen elcor who can walk faster than this. _When I (finally) get to the crew quarters, I'm greeted with boisterous laughter. Coming from the mess.

"And then he decided that it would be much easier to just get over with, so he stripped down and jumped in the pool!" Liara's voice cried out, and she and Ashley exploded into laughter. As her eyes wandered, she caught sight of me, "Ridley!"

"Hey," I say, coming out of the shadows and fully onto the scene, "What's up?"

"Liara was just explaining this dare she witnessed at one of her dig sites," Ashley said with a smirk.

"Yes, it was very funny," Liara said, "Ridley, why don't you sit down, you seem like the sort to have some stories."

"You sure hold your liquor well enough to have some good stories," Ashley said with a wolfish grin.

I smirked, "You would know. Sure, I'll sit down."

When I got myself settled, Ashley and Liara jumped into stories, talking about unpleasant characters and past relationships.

"Okay, okay," Ashley said after howling with laughter, "What about now? Do any of you have beaus?"

"Beaus? What is this, _Pride and Prejudice?_" I said with a laugh, joking a lot more than I usually do.

"Well…" she said, "It sounds more romantic to me."

"To answer your question, I do not. What about you?" Liara said, inclining her head to Ashley.

"Nah. I thought maybe the commander, but I get the feeling he likes someone else." she replied, looking a little sheepish.

"You were thinking about the commander?" Liara said in a completely disbelieving voice.

"I know, I know. But how could I not… he's so fit. A little hot-headed, but he's knowledgeable and he cares." she said, sighing a little.

"Well, he's definitely not thinking about me." Liara said.

"You sure? I thought you two were close."

"Not _that _close. We just have a bond since we mind-melded."

"Well if not you, then who?" They turned their faces to where I had been sitting, casually sipping water through the whole conversation.

"Me?" I asked, more than a little scrutinizing.

"Of course you. Tali's too young, and as far as I can tell, the commander likes girls, so it could only be you." Ashley replied, speaking very matter-of-factly.

"No! The commander and I spend more time arguing than anything else. Besides, he's a soldier to the core. He wouldn't fraternize." I said, taking a drink of water to finalize my point.

"I suppose that's true. It may be better if the commander doesn't have a romantic relationship." Liara said, looking contemplative.

I took that moment as a good time to take a leave of absence, since the atmosphere turned to past boyfriends and failed romantic escapades. I walked to the elevator, and got in just as it reached my level. And, to my amazing luck, Shepard looked up and saw me.

"Hey," Shepard said.

"Hey," I said, taking a spot on the opposite side of the elevator. I reached over and almost select the button for the shuttle bay, but I notice he already pressed the button for it.

The elevator engaged and we started going down. Slowly, achingly slowly, going down.

"We haven't really talked since…" Shepard said, his sentence drifting off. I felt his eyes boring holes into me.

"No, we haven't." I said evenly, trying in vain to keep my voice from showing any distaste.

He walked over to the control panel and pressed the button for the elevator to stop. He turned towards me, his eyes filled with anger.

"Do you know how hard it is to have you on this ship?" he said softly to me, but with a hard tone.

"I think I may have some idea." I said, slightly shocked that he had stopped the elevator.

"It's amazingly hard," he said, his eyes growing in intensity, "because you never listen. You almost died on my watch, just because you didn't keep yourself in check during a firefight!" he finished, practically yelling the last syllable.

"Shepard, I can take care of myself-" I tried to argue, but I was cut short.

"No," he spoke firmly, inching closer to me "I won't let you just take stupid risks. I want you on this ship Ridley, but if you won't listen to my orders, you are going to have to get off the Normandy."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, processing what Shepard had just said to me. _Not be on the ship? _I had only been on it for a short time, but I felt that this ship had become more of a home to me than anywhere else in my life.

"I'll follow your orders, sir." I said definitively, staring into his eyes.

We stayed like that for an hour or a few minutes, I wasn't sure how long. The tension was palpable to the point of where I forgot about everything but his eyes. And one thought escaped my mind, one thought, and rampaged it's way through my being: _He looks sexy._

Before I could even react to my own renegade thought, the moment was shattered.

"Uh, Shepard?" Joker's voice said, abnormally loud.

"Yeah?"

"We're approaching Noveria… and I noticed that you're in the elevator, and it's in between floors."

"Don't worry Joker, I'm fine." Shepard said, and turned away. I let out a breath as quietly as possible. Shepard pressed the button for the shuttle bay again, and we got going again.

Shepard exited without even a glance back at me, while I approached my desk, in a haze. _How could I think that? Shepard's my commanding officer, nothing more, nothing less. _But I think knew deep down, Shepard had started to mean more to me than I would ever care to admit.


	8. Chapter 8

Hello! Hope you liked the last chapter, I know you guys want Ridley and Shepard to have some kind of romance going on by now, but I hope I satisfied your fanfiction-crazed minds. Not that that's a bad thing, I wouldn't be here without you guys. So thanks, and please review. They are love! Seriously! This chapter is longer, as requested. And without further ado, chapter 8 (apologies in advance, I had writer's block)!

**Shepard POV**

Noveria is the perfect example of what the ice age on Earth must have looked like. It was just so cold! Even in the big, toasty building, I thought we were going to freeze. Making our way through the Noverian port, I realized how corrupted this place was.

First there was the hanar who asked me to smuggle some stuff in for him, then there was the guy in charge of it all, his receptionist, who I found out later was an internal affairs agent, and then finally came getting the treatment of a hired gun.

Needless to say, I was not a fan of the icy planet. At all. I was more than relieved to finally be able to get out of that base and to Peak 15 like we'd been wanting to do all along. After making it past that nightmare of a captain, my squad and I stepped into the cargo bay.

"Something's wrong," said Ridley, "this doesn't feel right."

"It's too quiet," Liara agreed.

All of the sudden, a geth stalker beeped from it's position on the wall.

"What the hell was that?!" the captain yelled, panicked.

"A geth." I answered, unsurprised, "Matriarch Benezia wouldn't come here without them."

"Shepard!" Ridley shouted, her eyes trained on a group of geth not far away.

My squad and I burst into action. Ridley tried to take down the four stalkers I could see, and Liara and I were focusing our energies on trying to take down the geth ground troopers.

As Liara and I finished off the last geth trooper with a biotic pull on my part, we turned in sync to see Ridley with her sniper rifle brandished, aiming for the illusive last geth stalker. With expert precision, she shot down the stalker mid-jump.

"That was a lucky shot," I said, coming up from behind her and moving towards the captain.

"That wasn't luck. It was practice." Ridley stated with a smug smirk, holstering her rifle.

As we approached the captain, she looked like she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"What- what were those things?" she stuttered out, her words shaky and unsure, completely different from five minutes ago.

"Geth." I said evenly, enjoying her horrified look a little more than I should have, "Your 'esteemed' resident matriarch brought them with her. She's working for Saren, and he's got her in his thrall."

"But…" she trailed off, her eyes vacant. Then, she spoke again, her voice more sure, "We have top of the line security. No way they could get past it."

"They're machines. Your security would seem them as nothing more than harmless hardware." I said with a hard look. The captain looked almost sheepish, but also guilty. _Serves her right, _I thought with a grumble, tacking on a less appropriate word at the end of my metal rant, "Are you going to let me go to Peak 15 now? So I can fix the mess you made?"

The captain looked to be at a loss for words, "I… I suppose so." she said, her eyes still seemingly vacant, "Move out, people," she said with a wave of her hand to her entourage.

I had turned away with my squad and we had made our way to the Mako when I heard the captain called out once more, her shock having obviously worn off, "Commander!"

"Yes?"

"Don't make me regret this," she said with a defiant yet almost trusting look on her face.

"`We'll take care of it captain, don't worry," I replied with a look much like her own. She gave me a brief nod and then proceeded down the staircase.

"Let's go," I said, and we hopped into the Mako, not sure of what we would run into.

_Damn, it is cold here, _I thought with a shiver.

Even in the Peak 15 facility, you could still feel the affects of the never-ending Noverian winter. _Just focus, _I told myself as we moved through the apparently abandoned site.

After first encountering those insect-things, we had learned to be more cautious. Now we were in the middle of trying to fix the AIs systems so this mission could be over and done with.

Of course, the giant insects- excuse me, _rachni _as Ridley had called them (how is she an expert in everything?)- were not helping. They were more accurately described as a major pain in the ass. Speaking of which…

"Arghhh!" I yelled, trying to get the oversized bug off me. Luckily, three shots rang through the air and the rachni slumped against me, dead. I pushed it off me, and looked around to see the rachni had retreated to wherever they go.

"Are you okay, Shepard?" Ridley asked me, putting a hand on my back at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's get downstairs." I replied. The sooner this mission was over the better.

When we got down to the level with the AI, it began to recite (essentially) 'I am operational' in a message. Which was annoying.

"Let's go," I said to the squad, and we fought our way down to the tram, and later, the hot labs.

_Focus. Breathe in, breathe out. _Shooting rachni and taking down asari commandoes was a lot harder than it looked. Okay, maybe it was as hard as it looked, but that doesn't change anything, it still sucked. Submachine gun brandished, biotics in overdrive, and well into the zone where you forget about everything except your next opponent, I was decimating Matriarch Benezia's forces, however deadly she made them out to be.

Ridley and I had quickly created a rhythm between the two of us. I threw a biotic punch, she fired some shots, and I finished off the foe. We would switch places occasionally, she being the one to deliver the final blow sometimes.

As I finished my submachine gun rampage on the rachni, Ridley came out from behind me and with the might of her biotic power behind her, threw a punch that killed the humongous deadly alien.

As soon as we had finished, Matriarch Benezia let out a groan, "Help me. I can't resist..."

Liara ran to her mother, her concern shining through, "Mother?" she asked, almost meekly.

"My daughter," Benezia said, her head wobbling as if she was woozy, "I can fight it for only so long,"

"Fight what?" I asked.

"Saren's control. It's so strong. It's like a voice in the night that whispers and whispers until it infiltrates your thoughts and tells you what to think." she said, closing her eyes and wincing.

"How is Saren controlling you? Maybe we can help." Ridley said.

"There is no hope for me now… but, but Saren, I can tell you how he does it!" she said, her face filled with a kind of joy you can only find in someone gone insane, "It's not Saren himself, it's his flagship Sovereign. As soon as you board it, his thoughts speak softly against your own, and they start to seem true. And soon enough, they are your own. I thought I could control it… I thought I could protect myself… but I have become his slave."

"Mother…" Liara reached out a hand, extending it to her mother.

"It's too late for me my daughter. Even now, I feel him in my head. But I won't take orders anymore. I will resist… so tired, so tired." Benezia said, walking backwards into the wall.

"Mother!" Liara yelled, moving forward.

"I'm too weak, my sweet, too weak. You were such a wonderful child." Benezia said, her head lolling back and forth.

"Benezia…" Ridley said, her eyes full of sorrow.

"Where is the light? They always said there would be a light…"

As Benezia spoke her last words, I felt something shift within me. Sacrifices had been made. People had died. Liara's mother now as well. Saren wasn't just a rogue spectre who had been coerced into betraying his own kind anymore. He was a murderer. He was an enemy. And I was going to take him down.

Once I had finished my mental promise to avenge all the deaths Saren had caused, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Ridley's nimble fingers grasped my shoulder comfortingly and my hand searched out her other palm. We stood there for what seemed to be ages, watching Liara hold her mothers dead body and weep.

I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't even notice a dead asari commando get up and start to speak.

"We…" the body said, obviously close to death.

After my initial shock, I drew my submachine gun and aimed at the literal zombie, "Who are you?"

"We… are sad. We listen for the children, but they are silent."

"What children?"

"The ones that were taken!" the asari replied, yelling the last note. I realized that it wasn't the asari speaking, it was the rachni queen in the glass cage behind her.

"Let the commando go." I said slowly.

"This one is singing a bittersweet song. She is strong, but her song will be lost soon. Her song will fade before long. We use her only as a vessel." I _guess _I'm okay with that.

"Okay…"

"We… wish to leave. To sing a new song."

"A new song?"

"We do not know what you call it. We do not have your… _words_. We… wish to… start again."

"Make a new life?"

"Yes… yes. We will go away. Find a new home, a new song. Please, release us."

I looked at the release controls. Could I really condemn an entire race for past sins? She said they wanted to start over, make a new song. She and her kind just needed a leap of faith. And I was ready to take that leap.

Ridley leaned over, "What are you thinking, Shepard?"

"I can't just let an entire species die," I replied, and I turned around to see her beautiful eyes full of understanding, "I have a conscience. I can't do that to them."

"I understand, Shepard. In you place I'd do the same thing." Ridley flashed a warm but short-lived smile and then turned her attention back to the possessed commando.

"Okay, I'll let you go. But you have to promise to not make the mistakes of the rachni from before." I said, walking past the commando.

"We will not. Our song will be pure." the queen replied as I released her from her cage.

Once she was freed, she spoke one last time, "Thank… you." I gave her a nod, and she scurried out.

Ridley came up behind me, and I said, "Let's get out of here."

"Agreed," Ridley said, and we made our way out of the Peak 15 complex.


	9. Chapter 9

I know the last one took forever, but I just couldn't find a way to end it. Now, please, my wonderful readers, work your magic and review me! It only makes me write faster! I think you all will be delighted with this chapter, since it will be quite the Ridley/Shepard chapter. Just a little foreshadowing to keep you on your toes! Ahem, chapter 9.

Ridley POV

Punch, kick, slide. Come on Shepard. Give me an opening here. I can't keep hitting you and hope you'll get tired. As if our sparring isn't already hard enough.

Our sparring matches were almost considered a spectacle. Almost all the crew showed up to watch us face off. Right hook, fake left, swing to the gut. Just a normal weekly sparring match with the legendary Commander Shepard.

"Getting tired yet, Ridley?" Shepard taunted me after an especially painful blow to the gut.

"Why would I?" I replied, snarky, "You're hardly a challenge." I threw my left fist at his jaw, consciously resisting the urge to put some biotic power behind the blow, as the rules clearly stated no biotics, under threat of disqualification.

Shepard grunted, but shook off the blow, resuming his bombardment of my defenses with clever fists. I took the time to reflect on the relationship Shepard and I had. We hadn't really recovered our constantly bickering relationship after the incident on Feros. Sure, we disagreed and argued on many occasions, but never the same way we had before. I was too terrified I might be thrown off the ship, but I hid that fear well. He seemed to be distracted during our arguments, his eyes drifting off in what appeared to be any direction but me, and then when I had finished my case, his eyes would snap back to me, his mouth moving a million miles a minute.

His behavior growing more peculiar every passing day, I constantly mentally analyzed our altercations. What had I said? What had I done to make him behave this way? For this reason, I looked forward to our weekly sparring matches with eagerness, hoping that he would divest new information about his actions in the heat of the moment. But that was all before Noveria. Everything was different now.

His behavior was still strange, but when we were in rooms together alone, the tension skyrocketed, and our easy banter seemed to carry a hidden meaning constantly now.

This was our first match since Noveria, which had been three days ago. I had thought that after the icy world we would return to our uncomplicated friendship of the past, but that wasn't happening. Now it was like we were in limbo, not friends, not acquaintances, nor anything else. This sparring match was going to determine whether we were friends or just crewmates.

And so far I had no idea.

Out of the blue, I spotted a weak spot in Shepard's defense. I faked left and punched him in the stomach with my right fist, causing him to groan. After my blow to his stomach, Shepard was severely weakened and he knew it. So, to evade me he circled me, and our eyes locked.

The whole world slowed, the crowd's cheers faded, everything seemed to stop as we stared intensely at each other. My blue eyes scrutinized his green ones, trying to discern why he had such a hypnotizing effect on the both of us. We circled one another, and I was sure that to anyone else, we would seem to be glaring at each other, but in the little world we had created, we studied each other as if to understand the opposites soul.

Then, inexplicably, a moment of understanding passed between us, a well-kept secret neither of us were expecting. We'd both looked at each other with this same intense gaze we now had focused on each other, we had both had thoughts about each other that were not meant for friends run rampant through our minds, and we had both imagined things in regard to each other.

In that moment of realization, the tension in the room exploded, leaving us both panting even faster with a thousand emotions. For a split second, I thought about how what had transpired would effect us. Who were we now to each other? How were we going to move on from this?

Before I could dwell on the thousands of questions in my mind further however, Shepard halted his prowl and lunged at me, his left fist extended with the intent of a knockout. I dodged the lunge, but was still struck by his piercing blow. The hit reared me back, sending me hurtling towards the ground, and I only just managed to stop myself from hitting the ground with pounding force.

"The match goes to Shepard!" Garrus called out, almost gleeful, happier than I had ever seen him.

Shepard extended his hand, and for a beat I considered taking it. But instead I got myself up, sauntering away from the soon crowded commander.

In the hours that proceeded the match, I reflected on it. What had happened between Shepard and I was no small matter. We had both acknowledged our attraction and seemed to be almost in stasis, ignoring each other.

Now it was just past one in the morning, and any sane crew member was asleep. So, naturally, I was awake.

I silently walked to get a cup of coffee, unconsciously fishing out the tools required. The Alliance crew members had begun to joke that I was a zombie since I never slept and seemed to function solely on coffee and instant ramen. Meanwhile, our alien counterparts scratched their heads as to what a zombie was. I silently laughed at the thought of Garrus giving what I could only guess was a turian confusion expression. His mandibles were twitching enough.

"Something funny?" A voice called out to me, nearly making me drop my coffee cup. I turned to see Shepard's face, a slight smile evident.

"Not particularly. You finding anything especially funny today?" I asked, covering up my shock with a question.

"Nah." he said, shaking his head, "Would you mind pouring me some coffee, too?"

"No, I would not." I said, with a joking undertone, trying to mask my discomfort at the prospect of him sitting there.

Sure enough, after Shepard received his brew, he stayed at the counter, leaning against it. I sipped my cup, avoiding eye contact, and an uncomfortable silence settled among us. The seconds ticked by until I decided to abandon my coffee in favor of the more safe and less confrontational crew's quarters.

But after I had set my cup down and made to pass Shepard, he grabbed my hand, stopping my escape in it's tracks.

"Shepard..." I said while tugging my hand away, but his arm came around my torso, followed soon by his body. We were so close together that we were breathing the same air, his superior height causing him to have to bend his down so that his eyes could meet mine. I was aware of everything, from his thin t-shirt and pajama pants, to my shorts and racerback. I was aware of his arms grazing mine, our knees almost pushed together, our bodies a fraction away from touching.

"Shepard, we... you... this can't happen." I finished, practically shivering from the feedback of my hypersensitive senses. My eyes dodged his, my thoughts scattered by the overwhelming closeness.

"Why not?" he asked, his eyebrow arched in question, his words steady in confidence.

"You're the commander and I'm a soldier, that's why." I replied, my eyes still dodging his.

"But you aren't a soldier. You're just you. You always have been." Shepard said, his head slowly inching towards mine, "And that's why I like you. That's why we are going to do this. Because I know you like me and I obviously like you."

"Shepard, you don't understand." I said, taking a few steps back, freeing myself from his mesmerizing presence, why does he always have that effect on me? "It's more than just you being my superior officer. It's because there are things about me you don't know, and if you did, you would never even consider doing what you're doing right now."

"You're an assassin, how much worse could it get?"

"A lot worse!" I yelled and turned away from him, wishing I was anywhere but behind that counter.

Before I could even take a step though, Shepard's hand grabbed my arm and spun me around, and his lips smashed into mine. In a breath I was overtaken by feelings I had bottled up for so long, and my hands came up to cup Shepard's cheeks, and I knew, I would never be able to forget this. Long after Shepard was gone, driven away by the thing that made me who I am, I would remember this moment, the feeling of being pressed up against an Alliance counter, warm hands gently caressing my hips and face, and most of all, the feeling of Shepard's lips against mine, feeling so right, tasting of coffee and the home I never had and mouthwash.

But the second he opened his eyes to look at me with a look filled not with lust, but with something else entirely, I felt my carefully constructed mental walls crumble in submission to the small glimmer of hope that was that look. Maybe... maybe he can accept me. That dangerous thought escaped my head, and I knew I wore a look mirroring his.


	10. Chapter 10

Hi guys! Unfortunately, this took forever, but I am going to step up my game. It's summer, and I have plenty of time to post and write. Now, Virmire is coming up, and I would appreciate feedback on how to approach the mission with the Ridley factor mixed in now. Anyways, here is chapter 10.

After we kissed, the first few seconds were a haze. All I could remember from those stand still seconds are Shepard's sea green eyes and the after shocks of our earth shattering, overwhelmingly passionate, kiss. As soon as my immense shock wore off however, I bolted from the scene, pushing past Shepard and running straight for the crews quarters, where he couldn't follow without waking up a dozen people. After I ran away, I hadn't seen him much, and that was purely on purpose. From Garrus' frequent chats though, I could piece together that he was pissed off. Silently pissed off, but still pissed off.

As I walked a short way to the elevator, I was on alert for any presence of Shepard. When the elevators doors opened, I found the area inside pleasantly unoccupied. I reached over and pressed the button for the shuttle bay, and the doors slid closed. hen I entered the shuttle bay, I made a beeline for the requisition desk, and started to download the files I needed onto my omni-tool as fast as I could. But, as if the universe was working against me, Shepard's usually joking but now steely voice called out from behind me, "We need to talk."

"Is there a reason why, commander?" I said, too much of a comedian to let an ample opportunity to tease pass me by. I also might have admittedly been stalling, but only a little bit.

"You know why, Ridley. Don't joke. Follow me," and judging from his tone of voice, I was in no position to argue. We stepped into the elevator together and Shepard pressed the button for the crew deck. We went slowly up in silence, an unbreakable tension settling between us.

When we arrived on the deck, Shepard lead me (albeit angrily) to his quarters. As soon as the door zoomed shut, I felt an overwhelming sense of doom settle over me.

"You... We can't ignore each other. Not just because I'm the commander of this mission, but because we are an hour out from Virmire, and you are our strongest fighter. We need with your head in the game, not distracted by me or this mess we've created. So let's figure this out, then do our jobs." Shepard had let out in one breath, his voice solid and his remorse obvious.

I scoffed, "You make it sound so easy."

"It doesn't have to be complicated. Let's just leave it at you don't like me but I like you, hmm?"

I closed my eyes. How could I explain how I had started to fall for this man, but we couldn't be together because of what I was? The nightmare that had been my childhood? The demons that would follow me for the rest of my life? What could I say? "Whether or not you believe me Shepard, the truth has a cost, just like lies do.

"What is it that you think will happen if we are together? I just don't understand it."

"It's hard to explain. But it's not you and it's definitely not whether or not I have feelings for you, because I do, more than you know." I replied truthfully.

Shepard stomped over to me, took my face in his hands, and did almost exactly what he did that past night: he kissed me senseless. And I do love it when he does that. We moved back so we were supported by the wall. In those precious seconds before we had to break for air, I felt the entire world fall away, and not a single coherent thought formed in my head, so I settled for saying Shepard's name over and over like a mantra.

As soon as we did break for air though, the world came back and slapped me in the face like a blast of ice cold water. I got ready to dodge him, to run back to the freedom of the universe outside of this room, but Shepard's arm reached out and stopped me before I could do so. My exit blocked by Shepard's arms on either side of my head, I felt like a caught mouse.

"We don't have a problem if you liked that kiss as much as I did, because to me, our problem is you denying this with every fiber of your being." Shepard whispered, his face close enough for me to smell his breath.

"It's complicated," I told him.

"Why does it have to be? You're obviously scared I will reject you for some reason, but that is not going to happen."

"It will," I argued.

He replied in breathy whisper, "It won't. You just have to trust me. Do you trust me?"

My eyes delved into his green eyes, seeing that unnamed emotion there, mixed with hope and desperation. When I looked in those eyes, I realized I couldn't deny him. I was falling for Shepard and I couldn't help it.

"Of course I do."

"Then trust me to accept you."

I took a deep breath, getting ready to take one of the biggest risks in my life. "Okay."

Shepard took almost a double take at that, "Okay?"

I smiled, delighted I could make even the great Shepard speechless. In that extremely cheesy moment, I felt like I had found a sense of calm. I never could have guessed how that peace would be shattered on Virmire.


	11. Chapter 11

Hi guys! I know you probably hate me for not getting this posted, but please, don't. I promise I'm gonna try to put these up faster. Anyways, Ridley and Shepard relationship hit a bit of a milestone! Those of you who want insight into their feelings for each other, Shepard sees them like the song 'Undisclosed Desires' by the Muse, and Ridley sees Shepard's love for her like 'Flawless' by the Neighbourhood. Virmire is this chapter and the next. I mean, so much happens! Now, as promised, chapter 11.

Shepard POV

"I know my driving is bad, but is all the groaning necessary?" I said, glancing at Ridley and Tali.

"Yes!" Tail yelled, holding her stomach.

"Unfortunately Shepard, your driving skills are horrible." Ridley said, seated next to me, gripping the side of the Mako like it was a life raft. "Add it to the fact we're being chased by geth, and today isn't looking so great."

"Thanks for the sarcasm." I replied, sarcastic myself.

She managed to grunt out an, "Always my pleasure," after we hit a bump while wading through the water. I wasn't that bad, was I?

After a radio from Joker, (which caused some pointed looks in Mako) we pulled up to the beach where the STG operatives were stationed.

"So what are we supposed to do now?" Ashley asked, impatient as ever.

"Stay put," he replied.

"Are you in charge?" I said as I came near, "What's going on?"

He spoke quickly, even faster than a normal salarian, "Captain Kirrahe, Third Infiltration Regiment, have landed in a declared hot zone. We cannot allow your ship to leave, because every AA gun within ten miles has been alerted to your presence."

"What are we supposed to do in the meantime?" I asked a little impatiently must.

"Wait while we assess the situation and make a pla- Ridley!" Kirrahe said, taking an involuntary step backwards. I turned around to see Ridley there, her gaze amused.

"Kirrahe. Doing well I see."

"Uh... y-yes, Ridley. And you?" he said, almost panicky.

"I'm not dead, so yes obviously." She could be so sarcastic sometimes. "What's this here about a delay?"

The salarian seemed to gulp at the thought of denying Ridley what she wanted, "Yes, there has been something of a delay, but it is mostly because we are in a hot zone and the geth are well aware of your presence. It's also because I am not sure why you are here."

"The council sent us to find out what is going on." I replied, straight faced.

"What? That is a repetition of our task. We were asked to investigate this area and found Saren's base of operations."

"You did?" I asked, truly surprised.

"Yes. We told the council to bring a fleet, not this!" he motioned the growing collection of people behind me.

Ridley and I spoke at the same time; "What do you mean 'this'?" "The message was sketchy."

Kirrahe, looked to and from both of us, unsure who to answer, "Look, the gets are jamming our comms, so you're all I've got. We need to plan an attack on the base, but it's going to be tricky."

"Why?" I asked, ever the strategist.

"Saren is trying to cure the genophage. They're brainwashed into doing exactly what he says."

"He's curing the genophage?!" I heard a voice blast out from not very far away.

"He is." Kirrahe said, moving away from the manic krogan, "We already have a plan, so tell me when you want to assemble, uh..."

"Commander Shepard, Alliance navy." I said, my attention focused on Wrex as the salarian walked away.

"Wrex... they aren't really krogan you know. They are just copies, fractions of the real thing." I said, cautioning patience with my tone.

"No, you don't understand. These are my people, and this our burden. If there is anyway to lift it, I have to. We need a cure." he said his gaze steady on me.

"We have to stop it, stop him."

"No, we don't!" Wrex said, pulling his gun, with the reaction of me doing so as well.

"Wrex, think about it. They aren't true krogan. They have no honor." I said, putting my gun down.

Wrex got a searching look in his eye, as if mulling over my words. He put the gun down and spoke, "Okay. Let's go blow it up."

"All right." I said, and moved towards Kaidan, Ridley, and Ash for a talk on tactics.

Ridley graced me with a small smile as I approached, unnoticeable to anyone who wasn't looking. I smiled back at her, basking in our newfound relationship, secret though it was. It had only been a little while, an hour at most, but I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders, like the feelings I had tried to suppress and the possibility of her rejection (all too real after she ran away from the mess) were suddenly and all together elevated after she had agreed. The only thing I could think of that would threaten our relationship was that darn secret of hers, big and gaping, taking up the space that should occupy her childhood.

What was she hiding? Why does she think it will tear us apart? My questions quickly grow, but I shushed my clamoring mind so I can focus on my crew and their ideas for the assault.


	12. Chapter 12

Hello, my readers! Busy days, busy days. As always, review, follow, favorite, message me, whatever. I appreciate the feedback truly. Especially when I'm dealing with a case of extreme writers block, which may have guessed given my absence (very sorry about that, but Virmire sucks to write!). Hugs and kisses, from me, and here's chapter 12.

**Ridley POV**

"If I see one more geth, I will explode." Shepard said, earning a smile from me and a curious look from Liara.

"I doubt you will be so distraught that you will explode, Shepard." Liara said curiously.

Shepard took his attention away from the hallway to cast a glance at Liara and said, "It's an expression. You know, kinda like the 'not to be mentioned conversation' we had."

Liara blushed a deep blue, which I took as an asari embarrassed expression. I suddenly grew a little alarmed, and if I'm truthful, a little jealous. Had he? He wouldn't.

"Did I miss something?" I asked calmly, and Shepard turned to me with a reassuring smile and an expression of gleefulness, while Liara looked horrified and positively humiliated.

"No." "A little bit." They both said at the same time, and my curiosity was stoked.

"What kind of a conversation was this?" I said with a growing grin.

"An extremely embarrassing one." Liara replied, looking increasingly harried. "Can we please return to the mission now? This is not an appropriate discussion for the task at hand."

"All right," I said, determined to get the details when we returned to the Normandy.

"Fine." Shepard said, but whispered to me, "Killjoy."

I repressed my girlish giggle only just. I soon had to let go of the conversation however, when two geth aim their guns at us. But, in true Shepard fashion, he aimed his gun and hurled a biotic throw at one and a marksman move on another. I followed in suit, finishing the thrown geth with a headshot.

Once we had finished with the geth guards, Shepard hacked the door and we went through to be faced with an asari scientist. I raised my hand cannon and lined up my shot.

"Don't shoot! Please!" The asari exclaimed.

"Who are you?" Shepard asked while simultaneously signaling me to lower my gun.

"My name is Rana Thanoptis. Please, I didn't do anything!"

"Well, Miss Thanoptis, I find that hard to believe, since you are standing in Saren's office." Shepard replied, cool and calm.

"I…" She cast her eyes down, looking like a scolded child as she did so. "I never asked to stay on with this job! I thought that it would be different! But, everything just fell apart. I thought Saren was doing good work, helping the krogan, now I see that he's insane! I've known for some time, but I couldn't get out of this job, he'd kill me! Or worse, he'd turn me into one of those _things_!"

Shepard considered her, narrowing his eyes slightly. But I saw the truth in her eyes. She was a collaborator, but she was a victim too.

"John," I said quietly, "she's telling the truth."

He turned to look at me with slight suspicion before his rational mind shut down and his romantic side came out. He looked at me with a slight hint of the unnamed emotion from before, and took my word.

"You can go," he spoke firmly, "under one condition."

Rana looked something like beggar and said, "Anything."

"Make sure I never find you in a situation like this again. I may be less kind then." He said with an equally hard and kind look.

Rana looked overjoyed, "Yes. I'll be going now. Thank you!"

She ran from the room, leaving us to proceed through the easily bypassed locked door. When we entered, we came upon a ramp, and there, in the middle of its oval trek upwards, stood a beacon, undamaged and standing tall.

I looked around and saw Liara's awestruck expression, and Shepard's determined one. He moved towards the thing, sure steps echoing through the small enclave. Liara snapped briefly out of her reverie, and said, "Shepard, you shouldn't. That much mental stress again so soon… you could die."

He stopped on his path and spoke plainly, "I have to. There's no choice, I have to know."

He began his slow walk, and I felt a pang of fear and concern strike through my heart, as if a slash. I followed his movements, considering restraining him. _No, _I told myself, _he needs to do this. He needs to understand more of the message about the Reapers. _I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart, and stepped towards him, speaking softly, "Shepard. I know you have to do this, but just, try not to die, if possible."

He stopped his steady movement once more, and looked at me with assurance, "Why would I leave when I haven't figured you out yet?" He said with amusement.

He turned back around and worked on the controls of the beacon. Suddenly, his body was thrown into the air, and went sickly rigid. It took no more than a few seconds for the information from the beacon to be uploaded into his brain.

He fell to the earth, and quickly regained his ground, shaking his head vigorously as if to banish the fog from his mind.

"Shepard, are you all right?" Liara asked almost as soon as he stood up.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a headache." He said, returning to our course up the ramp.

We were met at the top by a menacingly glowing interface, red and looking familiar. I racked my brain for an answer as to why the strange figure looks familiar and realize that it's Saren's ship.

"Shepard," I said, reaching out to take his hand instinctively, but drawing back once I remembered Liara was standing only a foot away.

He didn't turn, but spoke while looking at the projection, "What?"

"I have a bad feeling about this."

Suddenly, a deep, mechanical voice entered the room, coming from the interface, "You are not Saren."

Liara looked at the projection curiously, "What is this, a VI?"

"Rudimentary creatures of flesh and blood. You know nothing. You walk among my thoughts, but cannot comprehend them, and instead fumble. "

I realized quickly that this wasn't a VI at all. Not even close. "Shepard… this isn't a VI."

"You are blind to existences beyond your own, so far above that you cannot even comprehend it. I am Soveriegn!" The voice speaks, but no mouth moves.

"You're an actual Reaper, aren't you? Saren didn't find a ship! He found an actual Reaper!" Shepard spoke, voicing the thoughts of everyone in the dark room.

"Reaper? An inconsequential term labeled to us by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, they all perished. What you call is irrelevant. We simply are."

Liara spoke to the pretentious being, "The Protheans vanished 50,000 years ago! You could not have been there! That's impossible!"

"Organics are nothing more than genetic mutation, a fault in the evolution of life. Your lives are measured in years, decades. You whither and die. We are eternal, the pinnacle of evolution. Next to us, you are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything." The cold voice spoke, calmly putting to shame our entire way of life.

Shepard looked enraged, "The entire galaxy is united and ready to face you."

"Confidence born of ignorance. The cycle will not be broken."

I spoke up, "Cycle, what cycle?"

"The pattern is endlessly repetitive. Organic civilizations rise up, evolve, but at their apex of glory, they are extinguished. The Protheans were not the first, nor did they create the Citadel or the Mass Relays. They merely discovered them, the legacy of my kind."

"Why would construct them, but leave them behind for someone else?" Shepard asked, wanting to understand the strange and genocidal being before us.

"By using our technology, you follow the path we desire as you evolve. We bring order to the chaos of evolution of organics. You exist because we let you. You will die because we demand it."

"We will not, we will not let you harvest us. The cycle ends now!" Shepard said through gritted teeth.

"My kind is more than you can even understand. You will never stop us. You will submit. You have no choice. I am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over." The voice signed off to a loud explosion the right.

Joker's voice broke in over the noise, "Shepard! We got trouble!"

Shepard's hand went to his earpiece, "What is it Joker? What happened?"

Joker spoke frantically, "The ship, Sovereign? I dunno what you did, but it just made a turn that would have torn most ships in half! It's coming your way- and fast! Whatever your doing, make it quick!"

Shepard casted a glance back at us, and I spoke, "Console's disabled. Orders?"

Shepard took a look around, his eyes filled with disgust. "Let's blow this place to hell."

Liara grew a hard look as well, and sai, "Seconded."

Joker's voice came again, "All right, Commander, we'll meet you there.

After fighting through mountains of geth, we made our way to the drop point. Just as we arrived, the bomb was being unloaded. Once it was in place, Ashley reported to Shepard.

"Bomb ready to go, sir."

Just as she finished her sentence, a static transmission came through, "Shepard!"

"Kaidan?" asked Shepard.

"Yeah, we're taking heavy casualties. We can't hold on for much longer! Kirrahe's dead!"

Shepard spoke quickly, "Joker, get them out of there!"

"Negative," came Kaidan's voice, "it's too hot!"

"To the AA tower!" yelled Shepard.

We fought through a lot of geth, making our way to the elevator as fast as we could, feeling the pressure to save the lives of so many. As soon as we arrived at the top, we saw a geth dropship come in.

"Oh no. Reinforcements." said Liara.

The radio came to life with Kaidan's voice, "Ashley, we just spotted a geth dropship headed to your location."

"It's already here. They're pouring out all over the bomb site."

Shepard chimed in, "How bad is it, can you hold them off?"

Ashley spoke gravely, "There's too many. We won't make it. I have to activate the bomb."

Shepard harshly spoke, "Williams, are you insane?"

"This bomb has to go off, no matter what. It's already done, Commander. Get Alenko and get out of here!"

Kaidan yelled, "No! We can handle ourselves. Get Ashley and get out."

Shepard paced back and forth, looking distraught. _You can only save one, _I thought. I reached out a hand and interlaced my fingers with his. He looked at me, at first with hard eyes, but then let them melt into a terrified green. I spoke softly, as I would to a child, or a spooked animal, "There's no right answer, Shepard." He looked at me with pain and sorrow for the choice he had to make.

"Alenko, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at your location." He said, strong and sure.

"Yes-s, Commander, I…" said Kaidan brokenly.

"It's the right choice, LT. You know it." said Ashley.

"Ash, I had to make a choice." said Shepard mournfully.

"I know."

Those were the last words I heard from Ash's lips. I assumed they were her last, and that she went out fighting. But in the hours after her death, I only thought of the blast, and the dome of fire on the planet afterwards. Whatever my pain was, I knew that Shepard was suffering tenfold. In the days after her death, his eyes were vacant. And there was nothing I could do. I started worrying that we would neer be the same again.


End file.
